‘Zombieland’ (Tallahassee): “Confession? Patrick Swayze was my hero”

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'Zombieland' by Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick

From: Movie

Type: Comedic

Character: Tallahassee

Gender: Male

Age Range: 30's | 40's

Summary: A shy student trying to reach his family in Ohio, a gun-toting tough guy trying to find the last Twinkie, and a pair of sisters trying to get to an amusement park join forces to travel across a zombie-filled America.

More: Watch the movie

Click here to download the monologue

TALLAHASSEE: Confession? Patrick Swayze was my hero. I can say that, right?

I was just a kid. My Dad was outta the picture. And that’s when I saw ‘The Outsiders.’ Cruise. Macchio. Lowe. Thomas-Howell. Estevez. Dillon. And Patrick Swayze. Rest of ‘em weren’t fit to hold his jock. And after ‘Outsiders?’  ‘Renegades.’ ‘Red Dawn.’ ‘Road House.’

Tallahassee executes a KARATE MOVE from the movie.

I modeled my life after Swayze’s. Then just like that, it ended. My sis brought home a Betamax of Swayze’s latest movie. I sat and watched my hero slip on a tank top. And dance the Pachanga (snaps out of it) You imagine what that was like?

Dirty. Fucking. Dancing. Never has a man who kicked so much ass… shaken… so much ass. (angry far-off stare) I never forgave the son-of-a-bitch.

*culled (In the film, Patrick Swayze was changed to Bill Murray. This monologue is from the original screenplay)

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