‘Zombieland’ (Tallahassee): “Confession? Patrick Swayze was my hero”

TALLAHASSEE: Confession? Patrick Swayze was my hero. I can say that, right? I was just a kid. My Dad was outta the picture. And that’s when I saw ‘The Outsiders.’ Cruise. Macchio. Lowe. Thomas-Howell. Estevez. Dillon. And Patrick Swayze. Rest of ‘em weren’t fit to hold his jock. And after ‘Outsiders?’  ‘Renegades.’ ‘Red Dawn.’ ‘Road House.’ (Tallahassee executes a KARATE MOVE from the movie.)

I modeled my life after Swayze’s. Then just like that, it ended. My sis brought home a Betamax of Swayze’s latest movie. I sat and watched my hero slip on a tank top. And dance the Pachanga (snaps out of it) You imagine what that was like? Dirty. F—. Dancing. Never has a man who kicked so much a—… shaken… so much a—. (angry far-off stare) I never forgave the son-of-a-b—.

*(In the film, Patrick Swayze was changed to Bill Murray. This monologue is from the original screenplay)

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