‘Wet Hot American Summer’ (Gene)

'Wet Hot American Summer' by Michael Showalter and David Wain

From: Movie

Type: Comedic

Character: Gene, the chef who runs his kitchen with the intensity of a military commander

Gender: Male

Age Range: 20's | 30's | 40's

Summary: Set on the last day of camp, in the hot summer of 1981, it follows a group of counselors who are each trying to complete their unfinished business before the day ends.

More: Watch the movie

Click here to download the monologue

Gene: I wanna thank all of you for a terrific summer. Cooking for all you nice people has really helped me get over the fact that I fought in the Vietnam War. Have a great winter, I’m gonna go hump the fridge. Yes folks, it’s true. I said I’m gonna go hump the fridge. What you may not know is that I also own a bottle of dick cream, I fondle my sweaters, and I often like to smear mud on my ass. You’re probably as yourselves, “Isn’t he a wierdo, outcast, loose cannon?” Maybe. I don’t think so.

I wanna introduce you guys to someone. This is my friend. (Holding a can of vegetables.) I don’t know who he is, but I do know this: At a time when I was trying to hide myself from myself, he was there to show me a new way. ‘Cause I couldn’t hide from him. And I can be proud of who I am. I put it to you, Camp Firewood, as we spend the last dinner together: Be proud of who you are. Look at me, Ma, I made it! I’m okay! Now if you don’t mind, I have some unfinished business to attend to.

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