‘Spike Heels’ (Lydia): “I don’t know you”

Spike Heels monologues

'Spike Heels' by Theresa Rebeck

Type: Dramedy

Gender: Female

From: Plays

Age Range: 30's

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LYDIA: I don’t know you. You and I have never met. And you are wreaking havoc on my life. At first, I admired Andrew’s interest in your welfare. He cares about people; he truly cares and I think that’s wonderful. But these past few months, I must admit, I have become less interested in his interest. Not only do I listen to him talk about you incessantly, any time I come over to have dinner or spend the night here, I am bombarded by you. When you come home at night, we hear your little heels clicking on the ceiling. When you leave in the morning, we hear your little heels. When you go to bed we hear you brush your teeth and talk on the phone, and listen to the radio and on certain evenings I could swear that we can even hear you undress.

I am not enjoying this. For the past two months, I have been under the distinct impression that any time I spend the night here, I am actually sleeping with two people- Andrew, and yourself. In fact, when you came home with Edward tonight my first thought was, my God, the bed is already crowded enough; now we have to fit Edward in too? Now. I don’t know what went on between you and Andrew. I want you out of my life! Is that understood?

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