‘Matilda, The Musical’ (Mr. Wormwood): “I want my family to share of my triumph”

'Matilda, The Musical' by Dennis Kelly & Tim Minchin

From: Musical

Type: Comedic

Character: Mr. Wordwood, Matilda's uncaring father. A slimy used-car salesman.

Gender: Male

Age Range: 30's | 40's

Summary: Mr. Wormwood tells his family his latest scheme.

More: Read the Book!

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MR. WORMWOOD: Everyone, gather round; I want my family to share of my triumph.

One hundred and fifty five old bangers on my hands. All polished up, but the mileage on the clock telling the truth; that each one was… knackered. How could I possibly make the mileage go back? I couldn’t very well drive each one backwards could I?

When suddenly I had the most genius idea in the world! I ran into the workshop, grabbed a drill and, using my incredible mind, I attached the drill to the speedometer of the first car, turned it on and whacked it into reverse. A drill’s motor whirls backwards thousands of times a second and within a few minutes I had reduced the mileage on that old rust bucket to practically nothing. I did it to every single car!

Ten minutes later the Russians show up. Great big nasty-faced apes, expensive suits, dark glasses; don’t know who they thought they were.

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