‘Easy A’ (Rosemary): “I had a similar situation when I was your age”

ROSEMARY: I had a similar situation when I was your age. I had a horrible reputation and people said awful things about me. Because I was a s—. A big old s—. I slept with a whole bunch of people. A slew.  A heap.  A peck. Mostly guys. Well!  It was a different time. Sorry, I got around.

Before I met Dad, I had incredibly low self-worth and I spread my legs for anyone. It’s true.  And I was quite the contortionist back then. Plus let’s not forget I had the b—bs of a p—n star. I mean, out to here. I’m not blaming you, but lactation was not kind to Mama’s tig ‘ol bitties.

I just want you to know that I also took a lot of heat because of a certain dalliance. Don Bryant and I got caught in a very compromising and complicated position in the locker room during a basketball game.  All I’m saying is that maybe the reason that Bryant girl is going after you is because her mother told her about me.

There’s something else you should know. This is hard to say but… Don Bryant is your father.  Marianne is your sister. Just kidding! (then) Well, about the sister thing, not about the Don thing.  That happened. Actually that happened a couple-few times before we got caught.

You’re wonderful.  And you’re going to handle this the same way I did. With an incontrovertible sense of humor.  But you’re much smarter than me, so you’ll come out of this much better than I did.

More Monologues from ‘Easy A’

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