OLIVE: Is chivalry dead? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I want to ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. And I want Judd Nelson walking across the school parking lot thrusting his hand into the air ’cause he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like a John Hughes movie. Sure everything starts out a mess but it always ends up great and hopeful and awesome with a big scene where the main character puts on a huge display of out-of-character-ness in front of the whole world and wins the day. But no. John Hughes didn’t direct my life. So I get to save two fifty on a bottle of Juniper Breeze Antibacteria Gel. Maybe chivalry isn’t dead, but it’s in a coma and the prognosis isn’t good.