‘Can’t Hardly Wait’ (Girl Whose Party It Is): “My problem?! My PROBLEM??!!”

GIRL WHOSE PARTY IT IS: My problem?! My PROBLEM??!! You people come in here, let my dog out, get drunk, run all over the fancy room, blast music, spill punch, break stuff, smear poop on the carpet – draw nipples on my mother, throw up in my pool, sniff drugs behind the poolhouse, get me 75 hours of community service and a five hundred dollar fine — THEN BREAK MY BATHROOM DOOR AND HAVE SEX IN THERE??I!! AND YOU WANNA KNOW MY PROBLEM??? I’LL TELL YOU MY PROBLEM!!! IT’S ——

The DOG comes TROTTING IN, WAGGING his tail.

TOFU! Tofu, where were you?! You know you‘re not supposed to leave the house! Bad dog! BAD! COME HERE! TOFU!

More Monologues from ‘Can’t Hardly Wait’

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