AMANDA: Well… I mean I know why I started dating him. I just don’t know why I did it for so long. It’s just, at first it was all so unbelievable, you know? At my old junior high I was always just this little… nobody. Then I came to Huntingdon freshman year and Mike Dexter wanted to date me… and I was like suddenly Miss Popular and — I know it‘s really lame, but… well, it felt really good. It was the first time I ever felt cool in my life. Please, it was the first time I ever had a boyfriend.
And that’s the problem. I want more, and Mike’s still the same person now that he was then. Mooning the guy at the drive-thru window and giving the underclassmen wedgies… Though who says I even deserve more anyway, you know? I mean, I did stay with him for four years. If being friends with those people was so much more important than being… happy, then — well then I guess I’ve already gotten what I deserve.
I know what people think of me, okay? I mean, Mike’s a total d*** and I am so guilty by association. And I really do wish things were different, I swear I do. I mean, I would love it if I thought there was somebody out there who hadn’t already formed an opinion of me based on how… based on who I’ve been. Somebody I could start again with. (she shrugs) But maybe there isn’t. Anybody.