'Beyond Therapy' by Christopher Durang
One Minute Monologue: One Minute Monologue
Age Range: 30's - 40's
STUART (very hurt, very mad): Okay, Miss Sensuous Woman. But do you know what’s going to happen to you without therapy? You’re going to become a very pathetic, very lonely old maid. You know what’s going to happen to you? You’re going to break off with this clown in a few days, and then you’re not going to go out with men anymore at all. Your emotional life is going to be tied up with your cats! (To BRUCE:) Do you know what she does in her apartment? She keeps cats! Some guy she almost married last year wanted to marry her but he was allergic to cats and so she chose the cats!
You’re gonna end up taking little boat cruises to Bermuda with your cats and with spinster librarians when you’re fifty unless you decide to kill yourself before then! And all because you were too cowardly and self-destructive and stupid to keep yourself from being an old maid by sticking with your therapy!