‘500 Days of Summer’ (Tom): “It’s not you. It’s me”

'500 Days of Summer' by Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber

From: Movie

Type: Dramedy

Character: Tom Hansen, a trained architect who works as a writer at a greeting card company

Gender: Male

Age Range: 20's

Summary: Tom tries to explain to Alison why he's not ready to date her

More: Watch the movie

Click here to download the monologue

TOM: Alison? Listen… It’s great to meet you, really. You’re a very attractive girl. But I should tell you right off the bat … this is not going anywhere.

It’s not you. It’s me. You seem like a real sweet girl and I, just, I don’t want you to get hurt. You know what I mean?

I know we just met like 3 minutes ago but you’re probably looking for someone to get serious with, someone with potential … someone who will take you out to eat a few times, see a movie, fool around a little bit, next thing you know we’re getting a dog and you’re moving in. And that’s not me. You want to come inside, have some chicken fingers awesome. But that other stuff I gotta tell you up front … I’m just not ready, Alison.

I liked this girl. Loved her even. And what did she do? She took a giant shit on my face. Literally.  Not literally. Jesus, that’s disgusting, what’s wrong with you? The point is I’m messed up. On one hand, I want to forget her. On the other, I think she’s the only person on Earth who can make me happy.

Every time I think I’m over the hump, I’ll have a dream or I’ll see some girl who looks like her from the back. And that’s it. Back to square one. And you know what… I’m gonna get her back.

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