"I’m an idiot’s son. An idiot’s grandson. I'm third-generation idiot."
"You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you."
"Jim, I’m not going to lie. Marriage can be a pain in the ass."
"Don't tell me this isn't an age of miracles. Don't tell me we can't be everywhere at once."
"I was just laying there last night in bed and I couldn’t sleep."
"First time I ever got on a plane, I was seven years old."
"I mean you secretly pray he'll be taller than you."
"I modeled my life after Swayze’s. Then just like that, it ended."
"So some day very soon, life’s little Twinkie gauge is gonna hit Empty."
"I'm sorry, Leigh, but as amazing as I think you are ... I gotta go home."
"We let down the male species."
"Remember last week when we went to Lucy's award thing?"
"I’m unhappy, Cal. I’ve tried not to be. We’ve been married so long, somewhere we became... stagnant, you know?"
"I have marked myself with this Scarlet J, Jessica! For you."
"You want to talk about The Scarlet Letter, Mrs. Thompson?"
"You asked me for advice before, Cal, so I’m going to help you. I don’t know why."
"I find you incredibly sexy. It’s a fact, not a cheesy pick-up line."
"I miss you, T. I got complacent, I think"
"Four days ago… I lost a major American shoe company… well you could round it off to one billion dollars."
"I’m calling an emergency Bella-meeting."