One of the hardest things about being a goal setter is the ability to let it go. By letting go of your attachment to the goal, it can actually become easier to achieve.
Do you remember liking someone so much that you were a bumbling fool around them? Or maybe worse, you were on the receiving end of that affection, but you didn’t feel the same way?
My friend recently told me the story of her audition for a reputable theatre company. It has been her dream for years to work for this company. She’s a fiercely talented actor, and I know this is possible for her. However, her attachment to this goal is actually hurting her.
She can walk into any other theatre company and nail her auditions. She knows what she’s doing, she ‘s prepared, she does it well, and she lets go after.
She walks into this theatre company’s auditions, and she’s a mess. She’s sweating, and stumbling her lines. She’s awkward. The casting director knows her, and likes her. This casting director is most likely rooting for her, but she is self-sabotaging her audition, and she knows it.
When this happens, your ego is telling you that without this job, you are worthless.
To want something is to be lacking. This is why I teach writing goals in the present tense. If you write, “I want to get cast at Big Stage Theatre,” that means you are lacking that. If you write, “I am working at Big Stage Theatre,” you can focus on having it, rather than lacking it.
Sometimes, when our ego tries to take over and lead with FEAR we have to sit down and have a little chat with her. It helps to name that part of you. Let’s call her Betty. (You can name your ego whatever you’d like.)
When Betty starts to take over, sit down with her and say, “Betty, I totally get it. You’re trying to help. You’re trying to protect me here. You really want me to get this job, because you think without it, I’ll be nothing. But, I gotta tell ya…I’m good. I don’t need this to be worth something. If I do get it, I’ll have fun. If I don’t, I’ll be fine. I’ll still be an amazing human being and talented actor regardless. So, feel free to step down, cause I got this.”
Let it go, and miraculous things will happen.
Courtney Rioux is a SAG-AFTRA actor and a certified life coach. She started Courtney Rioux Coaching to help actors overcome their limiting beliefs in pursuit of greater happiness and fulfillment.